We can often perceive self sabotage as a flaw. Something that is wrong with us; our mindset, our willpower, our committment.
And when we believe something is wrong with us, we shame ourselves. When we shame ourselves, we reinforce the belief that every single client I have ever worked with struggles against; I am not good enough.
I’m here today to bring you the message that this just simply isn’t true.
Keep reading…
Self sabotage can show up as feeling stuck, procrastinating, avoiding, or doing the opposite of what the conscious mind thinks is best. For example; cancelling your workout and spending an extra few hours in bed.
I was on a call with a client a couple of weeks ago and she said:
“I need an action plan so I can move forward.”
And I said:
“If all I give you is an action plan then it’s only a matter of time before you find yourself in this position again.“
Self sabotage is often a highly intelligent response where the body or UNconscious mind is saying:
“It doesn’t feel safe the move forward.“
There are many reasons why moving forward wouldn’t feel safe and this is something I teach in depth in my coaching programs.
And, what usually lie underneath it all is a dysregulated nervous system.
Procrastination and avoidance in particular can show up when the nervous system is too overwhelmed to take on anything more. Your body is say: “Enough!”
We eat for comfort in an attempt to regulate ourselves.
We spend the extra hour in bed because we are tired, stressed and need the rest!
Therefore, the action required is not “push through”, the action required is regulate.
Regulation really means that you connect with the body and tune in to what you really need.
Not what we think we need or should be doing (because then the mind with its unhelpful beliefs has taken over again).
Not what society has conditioned us to believe that we need.
And not what our friend, partner or parent thinks we need (people pleasers, I see you).
I have always been great at pushing through. Useful at times, very useful in fact. But if it is the strategy you apply to everything, you are setting yourself up for a fall, and I fell hard!
For a very long time I didn’t ever really know what I needed and because of that, I didn’t look after myself very well.
It is a skill.
It takes time to learn it and committment to practise.
But the one thing that does not help, is self-shaming. Because when we shame ourselves we move more into dysregulation and further away from regulation.
What we want is to tend and befriend the body.
This could mean…
✔️ Physical self care; good food, hydration, sleep, space to rest and breathe
✔️ Grounding practises
✔️ Emotional expression
✔️ Taking a step back and having some fun
✔️ Connection with people, animals or nature
✔️ Alone time
✔️ Movement, dance, laughter
✔️ Any practises that bring you back to you
From a regulated system, you will then have more energy and resourcefulness to move forward without having the push through.
You will be able to label self sabotage as a highly intelligent warning light that is reminding your to check in and take care.
Any questions? Comment and let me know.
Anna x
